


Phoenix

by krizzlybear



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krizzlybear/pseuds/krizzlybear
Summary: Hikawa Sayo rises from the ashes and takes flight.
Relationships: Hazawa Tsugumi/Hikawa Sayo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 80





	Phoenix

My name is Hikawa Sayo, and I am the guitarist for Roselia.

The sole, lead guitarist. I practice every day at home and at the music studio, and at least once a week with Roselia. Most weeks, on Tuesday and Thursday, but sometimes we can only meet up on Wednesday. It’s a bit complex, but nothing to be overwhelmed about. I cannot complain, as I have a singular goal in mind: to stand on stage at Future World Fest with my friends and to come out on top.

Everything that we’ve worked hard for, everything that I’ve worked hard for, for three long, toiling years, have come to this moment. I stand on stage in front of a crowd so large I cannot count on my fingers or in my head. It’s a folly to even bother trying, since I need to be focused on this one performance. Minato Yukina stands to my right, tall and proud, the noble diva once caged by her own fears and securities, but now without fear. She has led us to our singular goal, and her voice burns hot and engulfs my soul.

_**Fly to the sky...** _

Colours of red and blue swirl through my mind as Yukina’s gentle lyric caresses my ears. They lose all meaning, fading away into mere sounds and phonics that blend with the dulcet tones of piano keys. Ah, Shirokane Rinko. How much she has grown before my very eyes. She is the heart and soul of Roselia, a symbol of that determination and courage to grow, little by little. Every speech she’s made as student council president, every breath taken between paused sentences, every fear disappearing gradually until all that’s left are the phrases that come from her keys. She supports us and lifts us up. She lifts me up.

_**Fire Bird...** _

Time slows down. It becomes a mere moment. Silence. I clear my mind. Everything else is automatic. This is destiny. I press my fingers gently against the frets.

_***Clash. Clash.*** _

Nothingness becomes a hi-hat and a burst of chaotic energy named Udagawa Ako, the drummer of Roselia. She is our dark sorceress. She is our star. The ultimate cool. I finally understand after all this time. She pushes me, fills me with might. I raise my pick and get ready to strike in perfect unison with her rhythm.

_***Clash-Clash-Clash-Clash!*** _

I strike down and feel the brush of metal strings against the pick’s brittle plastic. Nothing. I open my eyes. I strike down again.

_**Burning up!** _

The chords ringing out that I have practiced. They refuse to come out. The amp sits behind me, refusing to roar. The rest of the band takes off with their sound. The thumping bass of Imai Lisa pounds against my chest.

_**Burning up!** _

I desperately shred. I open my mouth and sing, and nothing comes out. The rest of the band continue, and I cannot join them at this place that they’ve reached. I have no sound. I look up at the sea of red lights across the arena, waving back and forth in unison.

_**La la, lalala…** _

I want to scream, I want to throw my guitar on the ground, but Fire Bird continues to play without me. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

I see my little sister in the crowd waving the sole cyan light. She yells so loudly that her eyes are closed. I cannot hear her. I cannot read her lips. Her face gets swept into the sea of red.

There is no hope. The light is too bright.

I’m sorry, everyone. I failed. Fire Bird continues to play without me.

I open my eyes and look up at the dull hum of a poorly lit ceiling. Tears run down my cheek, and chills run up and down my arms and I huddle to myself for warmth.

“Hikawa-san.”

I sink deeper into a plush leather sofa and ugly cry. There is so much fear.

“Hikawa-san…”

The therapist’s voice is so calm and caring. Her voice is my lifeline, pulling me out of my haze of despair. I feel her hand on my shoulder, and I remember to breathe.

In, two, three four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

In, two, three four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

The tears stop flowing. The tightness in my chest loosens. My leg drops off the edge of the couch and onto the floor. My breathing is steady, and I sit up again.

“How are you feeling?”

I feel better. The sessions have slowly been helping me more and more. The breathing exercises, the affirmations, the reflections. They’re all tools I’ve learned to cope with, well, everything.

“Are you ready to talk?”

I nod. I try to focus my mind on a single point. I take a deep breath, and I start over from the beginning.

My name is Hikawa Sayo, and I am the eldest daughter of the Hikawa family.

I have a twin sister named Hikawa Hina. Guitarist for Pastel*Palettes. Student Council President of Haneoka Girls High School. She is my sunshine. Her eyes and her smile are all for me. She wants me to be happy. I’ve tried for so long, and we are finally somewhere nice and comfortable.

Her skills with a guitar are without rival. She plays with a joyfulness that draws me in. Unpredictable, unknowable. I understand now. I could never match her sound, but I never needed to. I have my sound now. Or at least, I had. I want it back. I wish for nothing but to be able to play with her again.

We walk side by side in the rain. It always rains. But when my sister is with me, I no longer feel cold. I hold our umbrella tight as the drops bounce and run down the fabric, pouring off to the side and away from us. We amble across a shallow puddle, tiny splashes whipping off the heels and toes of our shoes.

“Onee-chan, I love walking to school with you. I’m so happy.”

I’m so happy too, Hina. I have nothing but regret that I couldn’t feel the same for the longest time. All of those awful pangs of jealousy and resentment, they will always be a part of me. I’m so sorry. I wish I could make up for lost time, all of those lost years.

“Onee-chan. I have something to tell you. Please don’t be mad.”

I tighten my hold on my umbrella as we come around the corner of the street.

“I’m graduating from PasuPare! I’m going to study overseas for University. Isn’t that so boppin’?”

Hina, don’t leave me. I want to tell her this. I throw my umbrella up and it freezes in time. I reach out towards her and try to wrap myself around her in an embrace, but she skips ahead through the gates. The puddles under Hina’s shoes splash up towards me, droplets floating in place. zero gravity.

My muscles tense. I try to fight. It’s like I’m swimming towards her, but the distance keeps growing, and she fades into the mist.

Please don’t leave!

I’m all alone again. It’s this emptiness. I look up, and the rain comes down even harder. I reach out to her again and I’m swallowed by a torrent of water that washes me away. My mouth fills up and my lungs feel cold. I can’t breathe. I wash away, swirling towards the storm drain and I fall forever.

“Sayo-san?”

I snap out of it. I look down at my cup of coffee. I don’t know when I stopped taking my coffee black, but for Hazawa-san, I gladly let her add anything she wants to it. I don’t want to trouble her with my preferences. She works so hard. She inspires me.

“Sayo-san, are you okay?”

I open my mouth, but my chest is tight again. In, two, three, four. I remember to breathe.

“Oh, my apologies, Hazawa-san.”

She smiles and straightens out her apron as she takes a seat right next to me. Blood rushes to my cheeks. I feel dizzy. I remember now. I’m in love.

“You’ve been practicing really hard for Future World Fest! I’m glad, but please don’t overdo it.”

“Hehehe.” I can’t help but feel like there wasn’t a time when I wasn’t with Hazawa-san. I twiddle with my fingers, and the memories of baking class rush back to me. I pretend to knead dough on the table. I still feel nervous when I try to look her in the eye. There’s so much I want to tell her.

“You can tell me anything. I’m here for you, as always.”

I shake my head. “You’ve done enough for me, Hazawa-san. More than you’ll ever know.”

“That makes me so happy.”

She leans in towards me, closing her eyes. I close mine, and warm cherry chapstick presses against my lips. It’s so delicious, sweeter than any dessert that her family could ever serve.

My heart flickers aflame as I break away from our kiss.

My name is Sayo Hikawa, and when I complete my studies in University, I will ask Hazawa-san to marry me.

Would that make me Hazawa Sayo? Or would that make her Hikawa Tsugumi? The thought tickles me. My life is perfect. I have everything planned out, all of my goals laid in front of me. Future World Fest. Graduation. University and beyond.

Hazawa-san runs her hand through my hair, tucking a lock behind my ear. We both laugh as I grab her hand and flip my head so that everything falls again. I restrain myself from kissing her again. The cafe is empty, but she’s in the middle of her shift. It’s unprofessional, and we’ve already kissed once.

I grin, bringing my mug up towards me. It’s the cute dark green mug with a parasol pattern that Hazawa-san always uses for my order. Such a shame, though, how slow things are going today. A selfish part of me wishes for us to have this cafe to ourselves, but that’s bad for business. A working girlfriend is a happy girlfriend, after all.

“I should let you return to your duties, Hazawa-san.”

Her mouth protests, but her eyes are dutiful. She nods and gets up from her seat, looking out into the street.

“Do you think the rain will let up anytime soon, Sayo-san?”

“Eventually.” I take a sip, and feel the wave of warmth wash down my throat. “There’s no reason why it wouldn’t. It can’t stay like this forever.”

Hazawa-san blushes, averting her gaze at me. “Sayo-san…”

I tilt my head.

“You’re still all wet. A-are you sure you’re not going to get sick?”

I look around, and realize I don’t have an umbrella. My pale blue dress is damp and somehow I haven’t noticed it until now.

“Oh, how careless of me. I knew I should have brought my umbrella.”

Hazawa-san fidgets with the circular plastic tray in her arms. “Well, my parents aren’t home, and uh…”

She’s so adorable when she’s nervous.

“T-The shower upstairs is free if you need to freshen up, okay?”

Her intentions are so easy to read, and I acquiesce to them, giving her a knowing grin.  
She anxiously unties the back of her apron, leaving it on our table. I put my mug down and she leads me by the hand to the stairs at the back of the cafe up to her apartment above.

Hazawa-san says nothing as she flips through her keys trying to find the one for the front door. She pants and breathes rapidly. I put my hands on her shoulders and softly count. One, two, three, four. We’re in sync again, and she slowly finds the right key. She slides it into the lock, and turns it slowly until I hear a click. Hazawa-san shudders with anticipation.

She grabs the doorknob and her hand shakes. I place my hand on hers, and we both turn it slowly. It feels like an eternity. I feel fresh and clean.

My name is Hikawa Sayo, and I am the head of the disciplinary committee at Hanasakigawa Girls High School.

Not for too long, though. Exams are coming up soon, and I have to leave my post so I can properly prepare for my studies, as well as Future World Fest. The school is my pride and joy, and it was an honour working with Shirokane-san and the rest of the student council.

Picking a replacement will be difficult. I could leave it to one of the other officers in the student council, but I have watched her over the years, and I couldn’t think of anyone more fitting to take my place than Ichigaya Arisa.

She is a particularly interesting girl. Ichigaya-san is intelligent and passionate, yet quiet and shy. She reminds me of Shirokane-san from a long time ago. Had it not been for her absence at the beginning of the semester of her first year of high school, she would be pegged as a model student.

Passing on my sash to Ichigaya-san is a difficult process. I suppose it was written in the cards since the beginning, but every time I try to find a moment alone with the girl, she always tenses up and excuses herself to go somewhere else. No longer.

I shut the door behind me as I enter the student council room. As planned, it is just me and Ichigaya-san. Shirokane-san is working with the others setting up chairs in the gymnasium for election speeches tomorrow.

There’s so much on my list that I need to take care of for the election. Setting up polling booths in the main hallway. Coordinating with class representatives for all three years to set up voting schedules. Liasoning with club leaders to ensure that their leadership is passed down and notarized. Keeping paperwork up to date. But Ichigaya-san is at the top of my list. I lock the door.

“Ehh!? Sayo-senpai?” Ichigaya-san scrambles out of her chair, but it’s too late. We are to have this talk immediately. She sighs and droops back into her seat, and I sit down next to her.

“I-I know what you’re going to say to me, and I guess I can’t hide anymore.”

I smile at her, and unpin the armband from my school uniform. It is my utmost privilege to fasten the band to Ichigaya-san’s arm. This is yours now, my friend. Wear it with the same pride that I had for the past two years.

Ichigaya-san gets up and wanders over to a nearby stand-up mirror. She inspects herself and turns side to side as she sees herself in a new light. She giggles to herself.

“Oh man. This isn’t too shabby at all, huh?”

She is in her own world now, but I hope she doesn’t forget that she’s still on duty. I say nothing and let her bask in her own little moment. She lets out a nerdy cackle. I unlock the door. Next on the list is the polling booths. And then the club leaders. Paperwork.

Polling booths. Club leaders. Paperwork.

Polling booths. Club leaders. Paperwork. Future World Fest.

Future World Fest.

My name is Hik awasayo. Guit I am Ro sl

I stand on stage because I practice. I practice a lot. I must play at Future World Fest.

Yukina’s voice calls to me. It’s beautiful, so beaut

_**Fly to the Sky…** _

Rinko plays the piano. It’s nice

_**Fire Bird…** _

I can’t move.

_***Clash. Clash. Clashclashclashclash*** _

I missed my queue!

_**Burning up!** _

I can’t move.

_**Burning up!** _

Please, I want to play!

_**La la, lalala…** _

The crowd, everyone fades from me. Not again.

I breathe. In, two, three, four.

One

Two

Three

Seven

Six

One

I can’t breathe.

Four

Two

Eight

_I’m going to study overseas. Isn’t that boppin’?_

I can’t move. The rain is carrying me away.

The rain tastes like cherry chapstick.

_Sayo-san…_

Don’t leave me! Tsugumi!

Nine

One

Five

Five

Five

_This isn’t too shabby at all, huh?_

Polling Booths

Club Leaders

Five

Paperwork

_This isn’t too shabby at all, huh?_

I trip down the stairwell and I’m falling again. I can’t move.

My name is

My name

What is my name? Who am I?

I look down. I’m holding a blue electric guitar. I don’t know. I’m crying. I don’t know what

I’m supposed to be doing. I can hear a voice. My makeup is running. I hope no one is angry.

I’ve failed. I’ve failed. I’ve failed.

How do I breathe again?

My chest is tight. I grip the leather cushions as hard as I can. I want to scream. The room light above me shatters and I’m covered in darkness. My chest explodes into flames. My hair smells like baked cookies. My hair is on fire.

The cafe spins all around me. I hold on tight to my mug and I drop it. It freezes right before it hits the ground, and the entire world spins around the mug. I want to vomit. The mug flies up into the ceiling and shatters. Dark green shards fly everywhere. A parasol floats down towards me, but I’m washed away.

I hold on to the door. I don’t want to get washed away. The torrent is too strong. I let go.

Tsugumi’s hand grabs mine. The two of us get washed away. I’m so sorry.

.loohcS hgiH slriG awagikasanaH ta eettimmoc yranilpicsid eht fo daeh eht ma I dna ,oyaS awakiH si eman yM

The door explodes, and the entire student council room is sucked out into space. I can’t breathe. My face explodes. I am in space. Every piece of me falls down to earth.

I am a fireball. I spread my wings. I soar through the sky. I fly into space. I fly towards the light.

Whiteness, and then rain.

“Onee-chan, I love walking to school with you. I’m so happy.”

“Me too, Hina. I’m sorry that it’s so miserable outside though.”

“Geez, why are you blaming yourself for the weather again? That’s not very boppin’ of you.”

“I know. But you know how I feel about the rain.”

“The rain is nice because I get to walk with you to school though!”

“Oh dear, there really is no helping you, Hina. You know we can’t do this every time it rains. What will happen once we graduate?”

“Onee-chan. I have something to tell you. Please don’t be mad.”

“I could never be mad at you, Hina.”

“I’m graduating from PasuPare! I’m going to study overseas for University. Isn’t that so boppin’?”

“I...don’t know what to say. Is this something that you decided just now?”

“Yep! I think if I go see the world, I can meet lots and lots of new people, just like you always told me to do!”

“I never thought of it that way. I just wanted you to be more considerate of others, you know?”

“I know. I just hoped that you would be proud of me, you know?”

“Oh, Hina. I’ll always be proud of you. I love you so much.”

“I’m so happy that onee-chan loves me! I love you too, you know! I’m so proud of my onee-chan who’s playing at Future World Fest tonight!”

<>

<>

My name is Hikawa Sayo.

I’m lying down in a hospital bed, and my head is throbbing. The machinery next to me beeps rapidly and it only makes my headache worse. I try to reach up to feel my face, but my arms are hooked up to ECG wires, and I have an intravenous tube attached to my forehand.

The room is spinning, I’m so dizzy and cold. I try to call out Hina’s name, but my throat is hoarse and dry. It stings. I close my eyes. I remember my exercises.

Inhale, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Repeat.

The beeps begin to slow down, and I can finally make out my surroundings. Music is coming from a laptop resting on an empty tray table to the side of the room. It’s playing Fire Bird.

The television mounted on the far corner of the ceiling is playing a Pastel*Palettes variety segment. I examine it closely, and it’s their halloween special from over a year ago. There’s a tin of cookies on the nightstand next to me. My stomach rumbles. I could go for some fries right about now.

The rest of my little space is segmented off by a slidable curtain hanging from a rail. It’s not drawn out all the way, but I can see a couch right at the edge of the room behind it. I hear the light snoring of two girls wrapped with the same blanket. It’s Hina and Hazawa-san.

Tears run down my eyes and I try to wipe them as best as I can without making a mess of my bed. I’m so tired, so I close my eyes just for a bit.

“Onee-chan…”

“Sayo-san…”

They’re both stroking my hair. I try to smile, but my face hurts. They’re both sniffling. I’m so glad they’re both okay. Hazawa-san lowers her head and kisses me on the nose. The cherry scent fills me with life.

Hina holds my hand. She looks scared that she’s going to rip off one of my tubes by accident. Jeez. Of all times to finally show some restraint and carefulness.

“Hina...Hazawa...san.”

I cough. It hurts a bit.

“Tsugu.”

“Do you remember where you are, onee-chan?” Hina says, fighting through tears.

“I...I don’t know. Did I miss Future World Fest?”

Tsugumi giggles. “Of course not. You already played with everyone from Roselia. You were wonderful, the same as always!”

Hina can’t hold it in anymore and squeezes me so tight. “I’m so sorry, onee-chan!”

I let out a low groan from her hug. “What for, Hina?”

Hina starts sobbing like a baby.

“Hina-senpai said that you pushed her out of the way from a car while you were walking home from Future World Fest. It hit you instead...”

“Onee-chan was in a coma for a week!”

Hina continues sniffling. I’m so sorry for worrying you, Hina. There’s so much I want to tell you.

Tsugumi circles around the bed towards Hina and consoles her. “Sayo-sa...Sayo, hehe.”

I shoot my girlfriend a discerning look.

“Hina and I will go tell the hospital staff that you’re awake. Just get some rest, ok?”

I nod, feeling a sudden heaviness in my eyelids. I reach out to her.

“Yeah? Is there anything you need?”

“French fries, please.”

<>

It’s been two days since I woke up. Everyone’s settled down, and while I’m still a ways away from a full discharge from the hospital, the staff was able to remove a few cords and things from my body so I can move more freely in bed and around the hospital. I’m still hooked up to the IV drip, and my limbs and back still ache all over, but the more the nurse helps me with my stretches, the more I feel the soreness going away over time, bit by bit.

My parents took turns taking leave from work to stay with me, and Hina has not been in school since the accident. She suffered minor bruises, but after being treated, she stayed with me the entire time. A girl as smart as her wouldn’t be affected at all by being away anyways. She had already passed on her title as student council president, so the timing was convenient for everyone involved.

Ichigaya-san also visited since then, keeping me up to date with student council affairs at Hanasakigawa. As it turns out, Tsurumaki-san won the election, and will be taking care of matters with Okusawa-san as vice-president. I don’t know how to feel about that, but I’m sure things will work out with Ichigaya and Okusawa holding the fort.

The doctors say I still need to rehabilitate a tiny bit before I can leave, just for safety sake. It’s not anything big, just a few hours a day with light exercise or anything equivalent to that. I offer an alternative course of action, which they miraculously allow.

I wheel myself towards the rehabilitation ward and find my corner of the room, amp plugged in and my guitar safely placed on a stand. I will myself to my feet, and drag my IV with me to the corner. My guitar still feels heavy strapped over my shoulder, but I’ll get used to it again. There’s nobody around, so I cheekily unplug my headphones and turn the knob up to 9.

It’s Wednesday. I might not be at the studio, but I won’t dare to miss a Roselia practice session. I can feel everyone’s sound resonate inside my head, and I bring down my pick and run it through my strings.

_**Fly through the sky, Fire Bird.** _

My name is Hikawa Sayo, and I can hear my sound.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something abstract to get the creative juices going. Hope you like it!  
> tw: @curekrizzly


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